hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
