Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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