Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have already put on my inside pants.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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