After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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