i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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