Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
