i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
