just tell him i said nine months
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
