I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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