your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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