The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
