we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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