Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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