Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
