when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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