Umm I'm too high to move.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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