I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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