Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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