You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
