Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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