So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
