Someone shit on the floor
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
