You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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