Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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