So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
there was a trapeze. enough said
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
