ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
