i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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