I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize