Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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