youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
