he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
