dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
