he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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