Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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