I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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