he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
