I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
