look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
There's even glitter on my cock...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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