apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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