Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
