now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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