she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
