I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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