sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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