you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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