so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
