Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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