Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
