DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
