Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
