You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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