so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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