i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
