the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
