I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
