last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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