you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
