This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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