I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
