So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
