I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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