paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
