Small penises have feelings too.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
