do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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