we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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