I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
