I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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