I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
