Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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