She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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