That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
