of course. lets lasso hookers.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
