Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
