how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
