Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
